Saturday, December 29, 2007

Time Flies!

Christmas was fun and challenging and uncomfortable... I'm learning more and more that I've got to just stop eating!!! Step away from the yummies in the kitchen... But it was an otherwise nice holiday!

My brother graduated from UNCG on the 20th, and he had a party last night. That was interesting - at a bar downtown. Very nice and roomy - they rented the bar's private room. Lots of family - cousins - were there, and a bunch of guys that were friends with Easa in high school and maybe early on in college were there. It just felt like old times, which were some good times.

Lots of temptations there last night - but I resisted the urges to just "try" some alcohol. No one was asking me to try any, just the little devil in me saying "Hey, your pouch seems pretty resilient, I bet it wouldn't be so bad." But I'm not even a month out...had to put reigns on the crazy temptation. I had the smallest sip of champagne when we had a big toast for/to Easa, but that was it. Alcohol is not a necessity to having a fun night! (not that I didn't already know that!)

So, otherwise, um, not much. I want to go somewhere. Raleigh for a few days would settle my desire, but Chicago or NYC would be totally fucking awesome. And I have friends living in both cities. So, can anyone fund a plane ticket? Or even half of a ticket? Really... I honestly do feel like I've got to get away for some time soon but I don't know how I would afford it. I love my family, but Greensboro is driving me up the wall... and it's only December. I'm gonna be here till May, at least!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


That "Everything is peachy keen!" post yesterday?

Heh, heh, heh... only typical for me to say something like that and then have a shitty episode within the next 24 hours!

So, dinner tonight was steak - I cut it up and ate it to where it met the standard of what puree is. Yummy. (no really, I still adore steak). But mom also made some funky scalloped potatoes. I resisted during dinner, like normal. Protein is waaay more important than carbs, and it's tough enough to get all the protein in everyday.

But then, *dark clouds appear overhead* and my mom asked me to clean up the kitchen. She had to run an errand, so I was to load up the dishwasher. I have a really really bad history with sneaking food - eating like mad when no one's around. And tonight, my demon popped back into my life. It wasn't that I felt that I had to sneak the potatoes - I mean, my mom always asks if I want some of whatever carb we're having that night, you know, "just to try". But, it was like, "Oh, there's a small piece of potato with cheesy goodness on it. Okay, I'll take a tiny bite..." Well, one tiny bite resulted in many bites, not so tiny. Not to the point where I felt sick, but close. Enough so that I felt disgusted with myself. I knew I wasn't hungry, but that whole temptation (that I thought was gone at least for a while early post-op) was screaming in my face.

But what kills me, what really makes me SO mad/frustrated at myself, is in a few hours, I did the same freakin thing!!! Of course, the kitchen was surprisingly empty, and the dishes were out from when my dad ate, after everyone else. And once again, those fucking potatoes were calling my name. But this time, I ate faster, larger pieces, WAY too big bites. And I could really feel it, the potatoes struggling to get into my pouch and stay in there. They were plenty soft, to qualify for the puree stage, but I overdid it worse than I really could imagine this early on. Like, that was my closest call to vomiting... I could feel the saliva crawling up my throat, and the discomfort in there.

I hope...I pray...that I won't be such a dumbass again any time soon... I'm just really trying to focus myself again - I realize once again how easy it is to fall into the trap of "Oh I fucked up, let's keep this going, because I'm worthless." But, considering that I'm self-pay, that is NOT an option. I had major surgery, and dammit, I'm going to succeed! And yeah, my blog keep me honest, too, since I'm pretty sure I have a few readers keeping tabs on me here.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I've been "knocking on wood" a lot lately...

Because life has been pretty good. And when I eat something like eggs (which are notorious for NOT staying in new pouchies), I knock on wood that these suckers will stay down. And they have, marvelously! My mom made quiche on 12/8, and I have been eating on it every day, practically.

There's been a lot of laying around, taking care of my five small incisions - they lost all their gluey covering, so neosporin is my new best friend. And I've been walking some...I can't calim I do enough every single day, but the days I don't, they're made up with long days later on. Like, this weekend. I did a LOT. Thursday my mom convinced me to go to JCPenney's with her to "browse for some gifts". 1.5hrs in the store and two huge bags of items bought, I was utterly exhausted (just from walking) when we got home. Then Friday we ended up going to Kmart and then the Vitamin Shoppe. And then I went out for a little with my friend, to Old Navy, Jo-Ann's, Wal-Mart (all short trips) and dinner. And Saturday, the same friend and I went to Hancock's and had a spa day. (Manis, pedis, and this wonderful back treatment at Leon's Beauty school).

So, it's been sort of dull. I mean, I've been EXTREMELY lucky because I haven't puked once. I've been working my way up, slowly getting enough protein and finding some suitable protein drinks again. I weighed in on Thursday and was down to 295 (!!!!!!!!!). 11/29 I was 322, 12/5 (leaving the hospital) I was 311, and one week after that, I'm at 295! Probably the only complaint I could dare give is that milk gives me diarrhea. I probably need to switch to soy milk, but I haven't really made a pro-active effort to research soy milks to find one that I may like.

So, yeah, for now, life is pretty good. I'm already sort of tired of the puree diet, but I'm only halfway through it. January 3rd is my next appointment with Fuzz and his staff, and I should be allowed to move forward to soft foods after that date. Oh, and I could use a little more energy... but all in all, the first 2 weeks have been pleasantly smooth sailing!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

My first "splurge"

After my eggy breakfast today, I wanted just a taste of something sweet and refreshing... I was totally satiated with 3 small red grapes. I mostly peeled them and ate them properly (small bites, chew chew chew). It's amazing how perfectly it hit the spot! Slightly sweet, tart, juicy, yummy!

It just makes me smile to realize how car things have come in less than a week.

Wow, lots of stuff to talk about!

Neglected the blog for some reason... so I'll make some of this quick....or I'll try.

Went in on 11/29, weighed in, still a shitty lack of weight loss, but the doctor said it's still okay. Surgery was actually scheduled for 12/3, not 12/4. Sweeeeeet! I went into the hospital at 7:30am Monday and got home around 2pm Wednesday. A summary of my days in the hospital:

Monday morning, got to the hospital around 7:30. Had to wait until about 8:15 to go back. Got me gowned up, and on the bed/stretcher. My awesome anesthesiologist came in and started poking. I seriously have ONE good vein - right arm, in the crook, at the elbow. She tried 2 other spots, no luck. So she put the IV in at my good spot, and said they'd probably move it once I was under. Got wheeled into the OR and stuff finally, and after some deep breathing, etc, I was pretty much under.

Monday afternoon, around 1pm? I was woke up in the recovery room. GAH gas pains are fucking hellish. Thank you for all the warnings and such, but MAN, wow. Saw my coordinator Susan (who is absolutely fantastic) and she said it went GREAT! It was laproscopic (YAYAYAYAY!) and my liver looked so good they didn't even biopsy it. They took my gallbladder out too. My doc said the surgery, since they were taking the gallbladder out too, would probably take 4-5 hrs instead of 2-3. But it only took 2-3!

The ride from the recovery room to my room was long as crap, and all that fun stuff. And basically, the rest of the day was painful and uncomfortable. I got some IV pain meds every 6 hrs and like 1 ice chip an hour. God my mouth was SOOOOOOOOO dry. They poked and prodded me a lot, and I didn't pee till midnight that night - they finally started pumping a lot of fluid in me. Horrible "sleep" Monday night, of course, because they were in and out all night and the pain meds didn't really last a full 6 hrs for me. Or the gas was just too much.

Tuesday was better - I could actually have FLUIDS! 3 medicine cups/hr, including liquid pain meds (they had me try them Monday but too much for the stomach). I had a popsicle w/my meds, and I tried 1/2 apple juice, 1/2 water but I still think it's too much sugar in the stomach. A close friend from school came and visited for 2 hrs in the afternoon, and my aunt came that evening. I walked (2 small laps monday, 2 larger laps Tuesday, 2 larger laps Wednesday) and sat upright, etc every day. Slept SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better Tuesday night - less proding and poking, but I had a slight temp at one point Tuesday night. It went away. Gas was getting much better. Still haven't had a BM yet but I've peed a lot.

Wednesday, they brought in a late breakfast with a hockey puck egg and some oatmeal and beneprotein and 'butter'. Luckily, they timed it perfectly with my coordinator Susan coming by. So I ate in front of her, and it stayed down, etc etc. Thank god! She said she would let the docs and nurses know that I'm good to be discharged. Finally got my IVs out (they put one like in the artery on my left hand during surgery - that fucker HURT!). Oh, and I weighed while Susan was there - 311!!!! I was 322 like a week ago!

So, finally got home, my mom went to the store and pharmacy, and I tried to eat. I ate like 1/2 medicine cup of cottage cheese at 4:30pm, and the same amount at 10:30. I tried making a protein drink w/some unflavored GNC powder I had in the evening and I almost puked. Even though my eating was bad today, I've literally drank at least 60 oz of water, along with a popsicle and some ice.

So that was a lot to write out, but I'm glad to be home. I had a wonderful shower and my mama blow dried my hair for me (OMG playing with my hair is like the easiest way to make me...easy! :beatup:) Wednesday night's sleep was amazing, especially on 2 vicodins. But, they freakin gave me vicodin pills! I have to break each one in half and get them down.

I haven't been able to get all my protein in daily, but I'm um I'm trying.... getting in all the fluids, taking all the pills and vitamins, and simply eating (especially since I have NO hunger) is freaking difficult!