I just wanted to swing the mood of my blog back upwards a bit. The past few days have been pretty awesome, and although I still measure every day's productivity by the number of resumes sent out (thus making yesterday and today a "failure" so far), but life is otherwise good.
I didn't mention it, but the night of my last entry, I had gone to a Tri-State (New York, New Jersey, Connecticut) Wolfpack event at Brother Jimmy's with a friend. Brother Jimmy's is a North Carolina style bbq restaurant with ACC themed decor. You know, kitschy, overpriced, but they were offering free drinks and apps to the NCSU folks. Anyway, even though the rest of the evening's depression seemed to void that out, it was a nice time.
Yesterday, I went to Broadway in Bryant Park and got to see Stomp, Phantom of the Opera, Avenue Q and In the Heights perform a few songs from their respective shows. It was quite fantastic. I picked up my CSA stuff and came home, to then go back out and have dinner with my friend Jenna. It was awesome to hang out with her and we got reaaally spoiled at Centro. (Yes, I drag all my friends there.) It was nice to hang out with her for a little while since she's been up in the city vacationing/'researching'. I miss my College of Textiles friends, so it was a nice evening.
And today, another CoT friend emailed me about happy hour tonight! I haven't seen her in ages, and she's awesome too, so I'm excited to see her and meet some of her friends. And, I got an interview lined up for Monday! Woot! So, yes, technically today has not been productive. But, in the scheme of my mood and other things, it's been a great day.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
i'm a name dropper...
on a side note, garlic scape pesto (see leena and adam's recipes (yes, i like calling food bloggers i regularly read by their first name)) + egg + parmesan + tomatoes = yummy breakfast. when not dropped on your toe. baked eggs are the easiest thing ever, but i don't recommend eating them standing up in the kitchen when you're a klutz like me. otherwise, injuries (and messes) can result.
simple recipe
grease/pam a 2 oz ramekin.
throw a teaspoon of pesto in.
crack egg in (making sure yolk is towards bottom of ramekin.
cover with lots of parmesan (i also did this to make sure yolk wasn't showing at all, so it wouldn't dry out)
bake for more than 5 minutes but not 10 minutes at 350.
top with a spoonful of fresh tomato salad - tomatoes, red onion, garlic, lemon, olive oil. cucumbers too, if your salad happens to be left over from independence day.
multiply x size of your stomach or your crowd.
thank heidi for the baked egg inspiration, and leena and adam for a zingy, delicious condiment. these would be awesome for a group brunch - the flavor is impressive, but the process is easy enough for a complete novice.
simple recipe
grease/pam a 2 oz ramekin.
throw a teaspoon of pesto in.
crack egg in (making sure yolk is towards bottom of ramekin.
cover with lots of parmesan (i also did this to make sure yolk wasn't showing at all, so it wouldn't dry out)
bake for more than 5 minutes but not 10 minutes at 350.
top with a spoonful of fresh tomato salad - tomatoes, red onion, garlic, lemon, olive oil. cucumbers too, if your salad happens to be left over from independence day.
multiply x size of your stomach or your crowd.
thank heidi for the baked egg inspiration, and leena and adam for a zingy, delicious condiment. these would be awesome for a group brunch - the flavor is impressive, but the process is easy enough for a complete novice.
thoughts on the c train
i'm scared shitless. i am scared absolutely shitless. i despise this feeling and yet it consumes me currently. i'm doing ok and then all of a sudden, one little thing in my day messes up and *voila*, i'm in the stomach of a monster. the self doubt from a while ago? it looks like a baby in terms of the danger it could do to me. this thing just destroys any sense of confidence i may have ever had.
it's so bad that i'm literally writing this on the subway. i had it's 10:30 at night and i'm writing this on my laptop on the way home. as if it weren't bad enough that i'm the fatty, taking up more than my fair share, i have my computer propped on my bag. i'm sure everyone standing hates me.
i really do hate writing mopey blogs like this. i hate that it's even a part of me. and that i post it on the internet for friends, acquaintances, strangers to read? (haha, i'm flattering myself in thinking that many people read this.) but i don't know. i post it, because, i do. i would love for this to be a blog of random daily thoughts, recipes, observations. but i feel like it's overwhelmed with 'blah blah blah, my life sucks, wtf is wrong with me mentally?"
and now the subway is braking rough, and the dumbasses standing NOT holding a handle, thus losing their balance and falling into everyone else (and possibly my laptop, since i'm being an asshole - but i did move it into my lap so that I wouldn't take up so much space). these people, i can't stand. some days, i really can't stand 99.9% of new york. and thus, tonight, in the midst of this self hatred, self doubt, disdain for the current happening, i wonder "can i handle new york?" i wonder "was this all a big fucking mistake?" i wonder if i really have friends here, and if i really can make new friends. i mean, come the fuck on. meeting people in college was easy. i happened to connect with some amazing people. here? i just. feel like a kindergartner in a sea of pros.
deep, deep int he depths of my brain, i realize i need to shut up. just shut up completely. ok, i lost my internship. life is NOT easy, and at some point, i was going to have to find, ya know, a real job. the depths of my brain know that, yeah, we all have ny hating times. but i also realize that there are a LOT of people here. thus, a lot of people to choose to not like. (and then some that you do like). i know, in reality, that i do have some friends here. i may not be super close with them, but there ARE people here that i like, like me, and we click. it's just we're all so busy, it's hard to just 'hang out.' oh, and i also, guess, think i'm able, strong enough, creative enough, to get a (good) job.
but the intelligent, rational, logical part doesn't stop the part of me that just releases tears like it's a damn broken faucet. in the middle of the upper west side, at 10pm on a tuesday night. most of my friends assure me that, especially in comparison to other people, i'm mentally healthy. but then, the ease that i can (and DO) cry, at small (and larger) events just makes me question it, more than i do on a regular basis. i don't like being so emotionally vulnerable, and really don't feel like it's something i'm trying to do. sometimes, just every once in a while, i feel like i need a xanax... or one of those meds...
oh, and this morning, after diligently making (yummy) garlic pesto baked eggs, i went and dropped one of the ramekins. on my toe. this morning, i was mostly too pissed at the wasted food, mess made, and time lost. it hurt, yes. but now, 14 hrs later, my toe still hurts. or should i say it hurts more? i don't know, but boy am i glad to have something else to add to my list of concerns.
if anyone actually read this whole entry,...thank you? you're probably a very good friend of mine, and i love you for caring enough to follow my rants, raves, and general brain diarrhea.
-one last note. i'm very glad i wrote this on the train home, even if i did look maniacal. i'm far too tired now to think about writing, but i needed the catharsis. also, i dropped a small ramekin on my toe this morning, and i'm preeeeeetty sure it's hurt. now that my brain has finally died down, the toe pain is increasing.
it's so bad that i'm literally writing this on the subway. i had it's 10:30 at night and i'm writing this on my laptop on the way home. as if it weren't bad enough that i'm the fatty, taking up more than my fair share, i have my computer propped on my bag. i'm sure everyone standing hates me.
i really do hate writing mopey blogs like this. i hate that it's even a part of me. and that i post it on the internet for friends, acquaintances, strangers to read? (haha, i'm flattering myself in thinking that many people read this.) but i don't know. i post it, because, i do. i would love for this to be a blog of random daily thoughts, recipes, observations. but i feel like it's overwhelmed with 'blah blah blah, my life sucks, wtf is wrong with me mentally?"
and now the subway is braking rough, and the dumbasses standing NOT holding a handle, thus losing their balance and falling into everyone else (and possibly my laptop, since i'm being an asshole - but i did move it into my lap so that I wouldn't take up so much space). these people, i can't stand. some days, i really can't stand 99.9% of new york. and thus, tonight, in the midst of this self hatred, self doubt, disdain for the current happening, i wonder "can i handle new york?" i wonder "was this all a big fucking mistake?" i wonder if i really have friends here, and if i really can make new friends. i mean, come the fuck on. meeting people in college was easy. i happened to connect with some amazing people. here? i just. feel like a kindergartner in a sea of pros.
deep, deep int he depths of my brain, i realize i need to shut up. just shut up completely. ok, i lost my internship. life is NOT easy, and at some point, i was going to have to find, ya know, a real job. the depths of my brain know that, yeah, we all have ny hating times. but i also realize that there are a LOT of people here. thus, a lot of people to choose to not like. (and then some that you do like). i know, in reality, that i do have some friends here. i may not be super close with them, but there ARE people here that i like, like me, and we click. it's just we're all so busy, it's hard to just 'hang out.' oh, and i also, guess, think i'm able, strong enough, creative enough, to get a (good) job.
but the intelligent, rational, logical part doesn't stop the part of me that just releases tears like it's a damn broken faucet. in the middle of the upper west side, at 10pm on a tuesday night. most of my friends assure me that, especially in comparison to other people, i'm mentally healthy. but then, the ease that i can (and DO) cry, at small (and larger) events just makes me question it, more than i do on a regular basis. i don't like being so emotionally vulnerable, and really don't feel like it's something i'm trying to do. sometimes, just every once in a while, i feel like i need a xanax... or one of those meds...
oh, and this morning, after diligently making (yummy) garlic pesto baked eggs, i went and dropped one of the ramekins. on my toe. this morning, i was mostly too pissed at the wasted food, mess made, and time lost. it hurt, yes. but now, 14 hrs later, my toe still hurts. or should i say it hurts more? i don't know, but boy am i glad to have something else to add to my list of concerns.
if anyone actually read this whole entry,...thank you? you're probably a very good friend of mine, and i love you for caring enough to follow my rants, raves, and general brain diarrhea.
-one last note. i'm very glad i wrote this on the train home, even if i did look maniacal. i'm far too tired now to think about writing, but i needed the catharsis. also, i dropped a small ramekin on my toe this morning, and i'm preeeeeetty sure it's hurt. now that my brain has finally died down, the toe pain is increasing.
Monday, July 6, 2009
One week
And I feel about as bad as I did a week ago.
Yay unemployment manic depression! (I exaggerate, but it feels slightly like that.)
I had an interview this morning, with a staffing/recruiting/temp fashion company. I was so excited, got all dolled up (in that cute, professional, fashionable line I attempt to ride, at least when trying to impress people). Aaaaaand, then... The interview lasted for twenty minutes.
Okay, that's bad, right? Horrible? I mean, to be honest, it didn't feel "bad", just New Yorker brief. Considering that she was basically getting to know me, saw my resume and portfolio, and told me a bit about the job she contacted me for. It's all good, because basically it's connecting me with her, and she's going to keep her eye out for any print/CAD design jobs. We discussed pay, and doing temp or freelance (just to see if I wanted to. And of course, yes.) She's going to forward my resume and some portfolio images to the company she contacted me about.
But, the problem with that? Well, they're in Long Island. First thing she asked was if I would consider commuting outside of the city. "Of course!" I mean, if it's a job, it's a job, right? And of course, I'm looking too far forward into this (considering I have no idea if the company is even interested). But that's what I do. I didn't get a specific location - she mentioned it, I didn't think to ask again, and write it down - but it Hopstop estimates a two hour commute there. (She mentioned it was 40 min from Penn Station... I sorta call bs.) Like I said, I shouldn't be fretting over something I don't even know if I have, but it just makes me feel blaaaah.
Side note: Still, post-op, if I'm bored or depressed-ish, I tend to eat. Unemployment makes me both. Food costs money. Unemployment removes money. These ideas do not add up to a relationship that works. I personally need removal from my apartment to approach productivity, but being in a coffee shop, well, I can't exactly bring in my own food and coffee. I'm also struggling to find the right place for me, that's friendly, doesn't mind a 'camper' in the shop, that has wifi and outlets, and good (iced) coffee. And that's at least near the subway or a bus near me. Oh the life of a bum.
Yay unemployment manic depression! (I exaggerate, but it feels slightly like that.)
I had an interview this morning, with a staffing/recruiting/temp fashion company. I was so excited, got all dolled up (in that cute, professional, fashionable line I attempt to ride, at least when trying to impress people). Aaaaaand, then... The interview lasted for twenty minutes.
Okay, that's bad, right? Horrible? I mean, to be honest, it didn't feel "bad", just New Yorker brief. Considering that she was basically getting to know me, saw my resume and portfolio, and told me a bit about the job she contacted me for. It's all good, because basically it's connecting me with her, and she's going to keep her eye out for any print/CAD design jobs. We discussed pay, and doing temp or freelance (just to see if I wanted to. And of course, yes.) She's going to forward my resume and some portfolio images to the company she contacted me about.
But, the problem with that? Well, they're in Long Island. First thing she asked was if I would consider commuting outside of the city. "Of course!" I mean, if it's a job, it's a job, right? And of course, I'm looking too far forward into this (considering I have no idea if the company is even interested). But that's what I do. I didn't get a specific location - she mentioned it, I didn't think to ask again, and write it down - but it Hopstop estimates a two hour commute there. (She mentioned it was 40 min from Penn Station... I sorta call bs.) Like I said, I shouldn't be fretting over something I don't even know if I have, but it just makes me feel blaaaah.
Side note: Still, post-op, if I'm bored or depressed-ish, I tend to eat. Unemployment makes me both. Food costs money. Unemployment removes money. These ideas do not add up to a relationship that works. I personally need removal from my apartment to approach productivity, but being in a coffee shop, well, I can't exactly bring in my own food and coffee. I'm also struggling to find the right place for me, that's friendly, doesn't mind a 'camper' in the shop, that has wifi and outlets, and good (iced) coffee. And that's at least near the subway or a bus near me. Oh the life of a bum.
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