Tuesday, June 9, 2009

We have a visitor to the blog...

Should I say a returning visitor? Either way, blog readers, meet Emily's self doubt. Self doubt, say hi to the group (...pair?). This was going to wait until after I cooked dinner, but I kept feeling like it sort of couldn't wait, and I just wanted to get it out.

While I have heard nothing official, I'm pretty sure Li is coming back to work this Monday. Somewhat frustrated no one has said anything to me yet, I vaguely heard Sue responding to someone (who was walking by, I think?) asking about Li. I'm already bad about my random eavesdropping, so I didn't say anything today, but I'll ask Sue or Tom tomorrow.

In reality, I'm not surprised she's coming back. She definitely didn't seem like one of those women who had the money laying around to be a full-time stay at home mother in New York. But now, my mind is racing... Now that Garan is getting this steady influx of University of Cincinnati co-ops (the current group mainly leaves Friday, the next group comes in two weeks from now), I wonder about my full usefulness around the office. Li will be back, they'll have an equivalent (maybe?) number of Cincinnati students, and even fewer computers for everyone to use.

Ok, I KNOW I've done fairly well in the office, I do realize to some degree that I'm useful, but that's why self doubt is back visiting. There are just so many questions and not really any answers.

And, a side note, but since my computer crapped out a while ago, and was revived back to life with absolutely minimal add-ons, I no longer have software to even update the resume. Yeah, I also don't think it would be ethical to do that at work. EVEN if it was after 6pm (or my "lunch break") and I didn't count it in my paid time. So that makes trying to move forward with finding a full-time, long-term job that much more frustrating and difficult.

Oh YAY, self doubt brought along its pal, negativity. Thanks, buddies. You know just how to get my mind in a rut.

No comments: