Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, etc etc etc!

So it's been a while.
Graduated from college / Moved back to Greensboro / Christmas / New Years / Aunt from Thailand visiting...

And now to the real world of job hunting.

Besides going crazy at home, I didn't have a real reason to post except for this. A meme/note thing started on Facebook, I wanted to share it to the few other people that might read my blog not on Facebook. Feel free to do your own version of this, if you want!

After both Brittany and Sheena tagged me with this note, I'm finally getting around to doing it. I apologize if this rambles but when I'm in an introspective, I get talkative.

Directions: Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits, goals, quirks, secrets, plans for world domination, etc. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I adore my friends. I honestly didn’t realize it so much until I returned to Raleigh and have reconnected and strengthened the bonds I’ve had. Like, I don’t know what I would do without you all.

2. But, as much as number one is true, I’m ready for a change. I honestly cannot wait to find a job in a large city and I guess do the cliché “spread my wings”. I really adored New York City, and I think I’m just a big city gal in general.

3. The economy, and finding a [good] job, freaks me the hell out. I generally worry about money a LOT. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel so much guilt for the expense I’ve put on my parents, throughout my whole life. Medical costs out the wazoo, this past summer in New York, life in general.

4. Especially lately, I crave some sort of male attention. 24 years of nothing (no dating, no kissing, nothing) has finally caught up, and I find myself yearning for a romantic relationship… Even while battling my body image (“Why would someone be attracted to me???!”)

5. I’m a sponge when it comes to my music, book and movie choices. Maybe it’s just because my friends have damn fine taste, but I’ve found my very best music, reads and films through friends. And I’m always open for suggestions.

6. This is stolen directly from Brittany, but only because it rings so incredibly true to me. “I tend to care way too much about how other people think about me in the sense that I don't want to make them mad or feel hurt by me.”

7. My dream job? Something creative (I love designing fabric prints/patterns) in a big city, pays well enough, and benefits like vacation time. So that I can finally travel like I’m so desperately yearning to.

8. I miss Alix. I still have no idea why “the big man upstairs” took her away, and I don’t think it’ll ever make sense to me. Nor do I hope to ever forget her. I hope I can move onto a more hopeful way of thinking about it, but I still don’t ever want to forget her. But it still makes me sad… I just try to…keep it in the background, faded out. Every so often, it makes its way to the forefront of my mind and it takes a while to shake the feelings.

9. I’m such a dork for board games. Cranium, Apples to Apples (JUST played that for the first time tonight), really, anything. Nothing would make me happier than a night of board games with close friends. I can’t explain it, but I love it.

10. I stress about weight loss. Being back at school slowed it down so incredibly much, I realize that my bad habits from before my surgery are still here, and I freak out about it stopping. Not because there’s some absolute ideal size I want to be, but more honestly, in disappointing my parents (who funded the whole damn thing) and family.

11. My feet are freakin oddities. Shoes are my favorite things in the world, but it’s about impossible to fit the width of my feet in CUTE shoes, and that makes me sad.

12. I don’t drive, and I can’t explain why I don’t. I often told people (in Raleigh) that I just didn’t have a car in Raleigh, but I don’t even have a license. (Yes, bad bad bad.) In high school, the idea of driving never interested me, oddly enough, and I’ve let it slowly scare (?) me. I just have no desire to do so, and losing Alix in a car accident increased my general disdain/fear of driving. I really don’t know where/why it started, but I’ve just put a mental block on the whole idea, and I know it’s not good. (But it’s one of those things that I DON’T want friends/family teaching me. When the time comes, I’m going to pay someone/a driving school to teach me.)

13. In regards to number twelve, the not driving drives (ha ha) me insane when I’m home. I’m such an independent person, but in Greensboro (especially where I live), I’m pretty much STUCK here. Nothing is in close walking distance, in terms of stores or even bus stops. I’m totally not ashamed to use public transportation!

14. I really do love food. I enjoy cooking and baking for people, having people over for meals, going out with friends to nice restaurants. It’s more of the whole experience than the food alone, and even after my surgery, I refuse to separate it from my life.

15. I love being near water – oceans, lakes, even just hot tubs and pools. It’s the most relaxing experience, and the natural forms are usually such beautiful sights.

16. I have a tendency to pick apart myself and my choices in my brain, and I don’t like to share it with other people… Unless it’s something like this or a blog, where only people that would WANT to hear/read about it will. I don’t like burdening others with my constant mental preoccupations.

I choose (and diplomatically list alphabetically):
Blaire: because you’re totally sweet and although we haven’t known each other long, we clicked.
Christine: because we definitely have a history, and some sort of crazy friendship I can’t quite explain.
Evan: because all my poppy guilty pleasures don’t feel so guilty when I’m with you!
Jen: because you’ve kept me sane while in Greensboro…
Jenna: because, although I knew you were awesome before, you made my last semester of college amazingly fun!
Lisa: because you make me laugh, and you have a great taste in drinks.
Mano: because you’re my favorite cousin, and I just adore you.
Meghan: because you’re totally sweet and I want to know more about you.
Misha: because you and I have similar tastes and your sarcasm is awesome.
Mor: because you’re an absolute visionary, and you inspire me.
Ricky: because you’re a nice guy that entertains me. That says quite a bit.
Sara: because I honestly don’t know what I would do without you in my life.
Sarah Ewald: because you have great taste and a lot of the balls I want to have one day.
Sarah Wheeler: because you were my freakin mentor first semester freshman year and we’re still friends!
Shira: because you took me in (as a virtual stranger) this summer, and helped me spread my cosmopolitan wings.
Suhad: because of Barbies, Barbies, Barbies years ago. And because I recently realized how awesome you are.

Oh, two more. My original taggers!
Brittany: because we totally are soulmates.
Sheena: because no matter how long we go without seeing each other, we fall right back into sync in a comfortable friendship.

Everyone tagged is obviously awesome, because I wouldn’t just want anyone to know all this stuff about me…

And I included the list of tagged friends because, well, I love them. :)