Saturday, September 15, 2007

Really need to chill down...

Wow, it's been two months since I've last added....

It's been waiting waiting waiting. Still dealing with Vocational Rehab...I have to have a 'functional capacity evaluation', and I'm waiting for Cone Hospital to call with the appointment date/time. I think Susan at Wake Forest is waiting to hear from VR on whether I'm approved or not. Which sucks. Because I want my date.

But I'm also freaking out because I'm horrible. Definitely not eating 1) like I should be with my type II diabetes and 2) like I should be in order to get more adjusted to eating after the surgery. I'm so damn anxious to get a date, but I'm really afraid my A1C is gonna be shitty. Which will probably postpone the surgery. Which will get me more frustrated and my parents more mad at me. Seriously, why the fuck is it so hard for me to keep up a routine w/my meds and insulin? And how horrible am I gonna be with my vitamins afterwards?

I am TRYING to show that I am an adult, and I can handle this surgery, but I'm afraid I'm just proving everything wrong. Like my title says, I really need to chill out. I'm never gonna get anywhere if I keep acting like a child.

I swear every other post on here is my 'angsty teen journal entry.' I am just disappointed with myself so often and really frustrated at living at home. And all of this waiting has gotten me worried that I won't be prepared to go back to school in January. Late surgery date is bad enough, but the possibility of complications +/- the possibility for the surgery to be open instead of laproscopically (if I don't start losing some damn weight to shrink my probably-enlarged-liver) equals more recovery time.

I'm sorry for the language here...I'm really trying to refocus all this self deprecation, sadness, frustration, etc. But that doesn't seem to be my strong point.


Anonymous said...

hi emily. there is no need to get frustrated. what you need right now is the right motivation and hope. we all face challenges in life. but it is our response to them that takes us to the next stage in life: top or bottom. I will love to see you come through the surgery very strong. I also believe you can lose the wight you need to speed up the healing process. Pls, keep the spirit up. you can reach me on

Katie said...

Hey Emily its Katie! I was reading your blog(not being nosey i just saw it on your facebook)It just made me start to cry, I can never understand what you are going through, but I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I don't know if you know or not but I just had major surgery myself, yes I had a breast reduction, one that I have needed for a very long time. I had to wait a long long time for insurance to ok it, so I understand what you are kind of going through. I was so scared up until the day of my surgery, but it has honestly saved my life and made me a happier person. My surgery I know is nothing compared to yours, but just know people LOVE YOU!! and im so proud of you! Please call me anytime my number hasnt change or e-mail me at need to catch up and I want to know how you are doing!

love ya
Katie Huffman