I feel like an angsty teenager...

I originally posted this on the OH forum, but I figure it's sort of a blog thing so I'm just gonna paste what I said on here.

I'm 22, in college, and I'm home for the summer. I'm not working/interning, b/c I'm hoping to have this surgery sometime soon. (But I'm still very early in the process). I may be taking a semester off in school for the fall to get adjusted post-op, if I get approved and if I can have the surgery sometime soon.

Anyway, being home, dealing with my mother (and I have 2 brothers and my dad at home too), I'm just over it. I know my mom loves and cares about me, but I just get frustrated. I have an appt with my endocrinologist tomorrow, and I've been taking Byetta (a very expensive drug for diabetics that's supposed to help some patients with hunger suppression. It worked for a short while for me, but then stopped). Her general attitude toward me is just grr. She's already said to me today "Well, I hope you weren't lying about your blood sugar being good and we get there and it's in the 200/300." and "I don't know if you're not making the effort or if the Byetta isn't, but it's obvious you haven't lost any weight." Yeah, I know I'm extra-sensitive, but I guess I just realize more and more why when I'm at school (my univ is about 1.5 hrs away from home), I hardly ever come home. I'm ready to get a job and get away.

I never did go through the angsty teenager stage growing up, so I guess it's the angsty young adult phase. I love my parents, and they've put so much money into me and all my health problems. But now I'm debating whether I should wait to have this surgery. Finish my last semester of school and get a job and finance it myself...

Anyway, I know I'm a big baby, and I don't take care of myself like I should. But I'm just blah.

I'm trying this bloggin thing again...

and i hope it's actually interesting!

i've tried blogging before but it never really lasts...whether it was xanga, livejournal, myspace, or whatever, I'm not very good with commitment. but now that i'm home for summer, i'm in the process of getting gastric bypass surgery. it's still the very beginning of the process, but it's starting. so i'm thinking between that and the boredom otherwise of summer, blogging might be a nice hobby. maybe i can help others looking to get the surgery too. or at least help myself.

i've been doing a lot of research about the surgery, and all the commitments you have to make towards your body afterwards. i know i personally have eating problems, connecting emotions to eating. and that's something i need to fix/break/figure out before the surgery. but between the diabetes, of a period, bed issues, along with just feeling crappy, i need to make this change. i suck at the dieting thing, i've tried it. a lot. and i want to make this permanent change.

so i guess that's enough for now. like i said, this blog is for me. it's for my friends, to be able to keep up with this process, and i hope support me. maybe learn more about me and about what i'm planning on going through with. and for others that are looking to have the surgery. there are a lot of people out there willing the help. i've found a message board, obesityhelp.com, that has a lot of people that have had the surgery that have already been very helpful. so i hope to pass that friendliness on to someone else.