Man....Me + Internet = Screwed up Sleep!

You know what's a horrible habit? Well, staying up till 3am is bad, but jumping on your laptop in bed at 3am is even worse. Yaaaah, internet crap for 4 hours. And now I'm either gonna get like minimal hours asleep, or I'm gonna oversleep and waste the day. This was a habit that started in college, and continues at home, because everyone here are night owls too.

Anyway, just doing a bit of updating - I have a hair appointment Wednesday afternoon...I guess I'll just get it trimmed back to a shorter bob. Unless people have any good ideas for my hair? Seriously, throw out some ideas. I'm totally open! But, idk what would look good on me. I took this picture yesterday - I have fine/thin hair and a fattie face. ;) I'd really love to go short short and funky, but the confidence to pull that off, idk if it's there yet. Ideas, ideas, throw them my way!

And, FCE update! Well, it's not that exciting, but I got my appointment set up - it's THIS Friday, from 11:30am-4pm. I'm quite nervous about this Functional Capacity Evaluation, since it basically makes or breaks Vocational Rehab approving me, that they will pay for the RNY surgery. It's been such a long friggin process with them...if it falls through, Emily will NOT be a happy camper!

So, I think that's it for now...I've been sorting through all my crap from school, finally. Does ANYONE have a good idea on how to store/organize fabric? I have pieces big and small, and there's just no good way I can come up with where you can store them and see them all and be able to transport/move them. Well, good morning to all!

Really need to chill down...

Wow, it's been two months since I've last added....

It's been waiting waiting waiting. Still dealing with Vocational Rehab...I have to have a 'functional capacity evaluation', and I'm waiting for Cone Hospital to call with the appointment date/time. I think Susan at Wake Forest is waiting to hear from VR on whether I'm approved or not. Which sucks. Because I want my date.

But I'm also freaking out because I'm horrible. Definitely not eating 1) like I should be with my type II diabetes and 2) like I should be in order to get more adjusted to eating after the surgery. I'm so damn anxious to get a date, but I'm really afraid my A1C is gonna be shitty. Which will probably postpone the surgery. Which will get me more frustrated and my parents more mad at me. Seriously, why the fuck is it so hard for me to keep up a routine w/my meds and insulin? And how horrible am I gonna be with my vitamins afterwards?

I am TRYING to show that I am an adult, and I can handle this surgery, but I'm afraid I'm just proving everything wrong. Like my title says, I really need to chill out. I'm never gonna get anywhere if I keep acting like a child.

I swear every other post on here is my 'angsty teen journal entry.' I am just disappointed with myself so often and really frustrated at living at home. And all of this waiting has gotten me worried that I won't be prepared to go back to school in January. Late surgery date is bad enough, but the possibility of complications +/- the possibility for the surgery to be open instead of laproscopically (if I don't start losing some damn weight to shrink my probably-enlarged-liver) equals more recovery time.


I'm sorry for the language here...I'm really trying to refocus all this self deprecation, sadness, frustration, etc. But that doesn't seem to be my strong point.

So...Progress!

This week has been a buuuuuuuuusy one. Lots of appointments and phone calls and all that fun (rolly eyes) stuff. So just a bit of progress on what happened this week and how everything is going.

So Susan, the RN and coordinator for my surgeon Dr. Fuzz, suggested we talk to Vocational Rehabilitation for help possibly paying for the Roux en-Y surgery. Basically, they help folks get to the optimal health, physically and/or mentally, to find employment. Morbid obesity is technically a disability, so VR may be able to help. We finally got in touch with the correct county VR office, and I'm scheduled to go to their "orientation" this Tuesday. After orientation, you get an application, and fill it out, and it goes from there.

...Hope hope hope they might be able to help financially...

Speaking of finances, my parents also talked with their bank, and they're going to be able to get a line of credit that can cover the cost of the surgery. Tuesday's also the day they're going to take care of that, I think. Every single day, I feel so blessed to have supportive parents. My mother is still concerned... I sort of have a track record for not really truly keeping up with things like I should (certain health aspects - diabetes esp - along with other issues). But I know that she just wants the best for me, and wants to make sure I'm not rushing into anything. My father said he wants the best for my health and weight, and he has no second doubts. He's not a many of many words, but what he says, means a LOT.

Along with parents that are just absolutely amazing, my mother's best friend, my aunt Teresa, gifted me the $500 cash we needed to pay the psychologist on Friday. I had my psych evaluation Friday morning, and they require $500 up front, for the eval and one year of post-operation meetings. She's just a wonderful woman, and she's also overweight, and wants the world for me. At some point, she wanted to have the surgery done, but her health jeopardized it. And now, she's retired so no insurance to cover the surgery.

Anyway, speaking of the psych eval...WOW, so much more positive than I ever expected!! Dr. Smith, the psychologist, is such a nice, soft-spoken but humorous man. He's insanely informed about weight loss, and WLS. He's worked with behavioral psychology and weight loss his entire medical career, and got involved with WLS some years ago. The appointment was very relaxed, he just asked me about myself, my reasons and desires from having this surgery, a few questions about my eating issues and such, and I don't know...I mean, we talked for 90 minutes, but I never felt nervous or like I was being grilled. :D He also talked about, with all his knowledge and experience with weight loss and weight loss studies that when you're 100+ lbs overweight, the surgery is definitely the smartest and most successful venue. As he said it, "I won't tell you that you should (or should not) get the surgery, but if I was more than 100 lbs overweight, surgery would be my decision." (paraphrase)

So, yes, that was very positive! And I have my appointment with the nutritionist set up for this coming Friday...Very busy time! OOOh, almost forgot...Wednesday evening, I went to the WLS seminar Wake Forest holds and is required for all patients. While I can't say there was a ton of new information there (there was a LOT of info, but I guess I'm fairly educated about the surgeries, diet, etc), it was good to hear it all. And there were about 50 people there - Wow! So, lots of activity this week, and I'm happy about that! I hope the Vocational Rehab things next week are successful, along with my nutritionist appointment. I shall keep Blogger updated!

First Doctor's Appointment Yesterday

So I had my first doctor's appointment for the WLS on Frisday. I just figured I had ignored my blog for a while so I'd write some of this out. I met my doctor/surgeon, "Fuzz", the RN and "Weight Management Nurse Coordinator", Susan, and the Certified Family Nurse Practitioner, Elizabeth. I was extremely impressed and I trust the staff.

I found out my lab results from my endocrinology appointment a few weeks ago, and it wasn't pretty. My A1C was high, and I got a little emo about it. (Just disappointment with myself, especially since when I'm at school I have a tendency to screw up and not keep my blood sugars in check.

But, anyway, basically my BMI is high enough where I wouldn't even need comorbities to be approved for the surgery, but I do have the CoM to go along with it. And, the dr tried to let me know all the info about Lap and RNY so I can make a choice. I went into the appt planning on the RNY, and leaving that way.

It was somewhat entertaining to see my mother (who was there with me) and her reaction to YES, you CAN gain back weight with either surgery. But, anyway, the most stressful part of this is that it's gonna cost b/w $24000-$26000. At the moment, that's gonna be out of pocket. Mom and me are going to call Susan on Monday; she handles money, and is gonna help find any cost cuts and things available.

Besides talking money, next steps are setting up psych eval and nutritional eval, and an informative meeting on July 11th. ........ So, I don't really know why I chose to write out EVERYTHNG that happened, but I did. I guess I should still be considering all options before officially choosing RNY or lap, but RNY just seems like the best choice. (Dr said something about bypassing the duodenal area makes a big difference in diabetes, and that's what causes the overnight/very fast loss of diabetes.)

So...I guess I'm sort of asking for advice (if anyone reads this)/just wanted to update/whatever. I have a lot on my mind, and still a lot of work figuring out the finances. But I was so very pleased with everyone I met today, it keeps me in high spirits.

I feel like an angsty teenager...

I originally posted this on the OH forum, but I figure it's sort of a blog thing so I'm just gonna paste what I said on here.

I'm 22, in college, and I'm home for the summer. I'm not working/interning, b/c I'm hoping to have this surgery sometime soon. (But I'm still very early in the process). I may be taking a semester off in school for the fall to get adjusted post-op, if I get approved and if I can have the surgery sometime soon.

Anyway, being home, dealing with my mother (and I have 2 brothers and my dad at home too), I'm just over it. I know my mom loves and cares about me, but I just get frustrated. I have an appt with my endocrinologist tomorrow, and I've been taking Byetta (a very expensive drug for diabetics that's supposed to help some patients with hunger suppression. It worked for a short while for me, but then stopped). Her general attitude toward me is just grr. She's already said to me today "Well, I hope you weren't lying about your blood sugar being good and we get there and it's in the 200/300." and "I don't know if you're not making the effort or if the Byetta isn't, but it's obvious you haven't lost any weight." Yeah, I know I'm extra-sensitive, but I guess I just realize more and more why when I'm at school (my univ is about 1.5 hrs away from home), I hardly ever come home. I'm ready to get a job and get away.

I never did go through the angsty teenager stage growing up, so I guess it's the angsty young adult phase. I love my parents, and they've put so much money into me and all my health problems. But now I'm debating whether I should wait to have this surgery. Finish my last semester of school and get a job and finance it myself...

Anyway, I know I'm a big baby, and I don't take care of myself like I should. But I'm just blah.